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Limerick 61

Amazingly, antelope stew
Is supposedly better for you

Than a goulash of rat
Or Hungarian cat;

But I guess that you probably gnu.

Limerick 62

My neighbor came over to say
(Although not in a neighborly way)

That he’d knock me around
If I didn’t curb the sound

Of the classical music I play.

I told him, “Get out of my place
You’re an utter uncultured disgrace;

You’re a simpleton loon.

Don’t you know a good tune?”

Then he walloped me square in the face.

Limerick 63

A young gourmet dining at Crewe

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, “Don’t shout

And wave it about,

Or the rest will be wanting one, too.”

Limerick 64

There was a young man from Dealing
Who caught the bus for Ealing.

It said on the door
“Don’t spit on the floor”

So he jumped up and spat on the ceiling

Limerick 65

As 007 walked by
He heard a wee spider say, “Hi.”

But shaken, he shot
It right there on the spot

As it tried to explain, “I’m a spi …”

Limerick 66

There was a young dentist who thrilled
To the sound of a tooth being filled;

He would practise, they said
Every night in his shed ..

With the old Black & Decker ™ he’s skilled.

Limerick 67

A motor mechanic named Fox
Got crushed between cylinder blocks.

They laid him to rest
In his boots and his vest

With his spanner and jack in the box.

Limerick 68

One Saturday morning at three
A cheesemonger’s shop in Paree

Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound

Leaving only a pile of de brie.

Limerick 69.
“It’s crescent shaped rolls that I want”
Cooed the shapely, urbane debutante.
“Didn’t rush off to town
And just scarf 1 Down;
I relaxed when I 8 Across aunt.”

Limerick 70

An elderly man called Keith

Mislaid his set of false teeth –

They’d been laid on a chair,

He’d forgot they were there,

Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

Limerick 71

There was a young lady named Harris

Whom nothing could ever embarrass

‘Til the salts that she shook

In the bath that she took

Turned out to be Plaster of Paris.

Limerick 72

I’m really determined and keen
To start giving this house a spring clean.

I will do it I say,
Yes, I’ll do it today …

Well, I’ll do it tomorrow, I mean.

Limerick 73

I’ve done it; I’ve done mown the lawn,
But my muscles are aching and torn.

I could swear there are some

In my legs and my bum

I’ve not used since the year I was born.

Limerick 74

Said an ape as he swung by his tail,

To his offspring both female and male,

“From your offspring, my dears,

In a couple of years,

May evolve a professor at Yale.”

Limerick 75

A he-melon suffering droop
Spied a she-melon round as a hoop;

And he beamed as he said,
“Come away, let’s be wed.”

But she sighed and she said, “Canteloupe.”

Limerick 76

There was a young lady named Rose

Who had a large wart on her nose.

When she had it removed

Her appearance improved,

But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

Limerick 77

This limerick’s simply sublime
And inspiring in meter and rhyme;

It expresses but nought
With intelligent thought

And to write it used acres of time.

 

Limerick 78

There once was a fly on the wall

I wonder why didn’t it fall

Because its feet stuck

Or was it just luck

Or does gravity miss things so small?

Limerick 79

A long time ago an old Squire
Met a pretty young lass in a choir

And said, “Miss, can we dance?”
But she told him, “No chance;

For I fear that I’m Handel’s miss, sire.”

Limerick 80

There was a young fellow called Binn

Who was so excessively thin

That when he essayed

To drink lemonade

He slipped through the straw and fell in.

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