It filled Galileo with mirth
To watch his two rocks fall to Earth.
He gladly proclaimed,
“Their rates are the same,
And quite independent of girth!”
Then Newton announced in due course
His own law of gravity’s force:
“It goes, I declare,
As the inverted square
Of the distance from object to source.”
But remarkably, Einstein’s equation
Succeeds to describe gravitation
As spacetime that’s curved,
And it’s this that will serve
As the planets’ unique motivation.
Yet the end of the story’s not written;
By a new way of thinking we’re smitten.
We twist and we turn,
Attempting to learn
The Superstring Theory of Witten!
An elderly bride of Port Jervis
Was quite understandable nervis.
Since her apple-cheeked groom,
With three wives in the tomb,
Kept insuring her during the service.
A flea and a fly in a flue,
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us flee.”
“Let us fly,” said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
I bought a new Hoover today,
Plugged it in in the usual way,
Switched it on – what a din;
It sucked everything in,
Now I’m homeless with no place to stay.
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he’s a college professor.
There was a young lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died.
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
And made cider inside her inside.
A crossword compiler named Moss
Who found himself quite at a loss
When asked, “Why so blue?”
Said, “I haven’t a clue
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.”
An artistic young man called Bo,
To an art class decided to go.
The teacher said, “Nnot right
Your page is all white!”
Bo said, “It is a polar bear in snow.”
I’m papering walls in the loo
And quite frankly I haven’t a clue;
For the pattern’s all wrong
(Or the paper’s too long)
And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.
The shoes of old Eskimo Joe
Fell apart as he walked in the snow.
“Have you needle and thread?”
I enquired, but he said,
“No, igloo them not sew them, you know.”
Tis a favorite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
There once was a girl named Irene,
who lived on distilled kerosene.
But she started absorbin’
A new hydrocarbon,
And since then has never benzene!
A mosquito was heard to complain,
‘A chemist has poisoned my brain!’
The cause of his sorrow
Is it me or the nature of money
That’s odd and peculiar? Funny,
But when I have dough
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.
There was an old man with a beard
Who said, “It’s just as I feared!
Two owls and a hen,
Four larks and a wren
Are making a nest in my beard!”
At 16 I sighed as I hoped
For a bike like a Harley. I groped
In my pocket for cash
And bought something less flash;
Then I sat on my moped and moped.
Remember when nearly sixteen
On your very first date as a teen
At the movies? If yes,
Then I bet you can’t guess
What was shown on the cinema screen.
The incredible Wizard of Oz
Retired from his business becoz
Due to up-to-date science,
To most of his clients,
He wasn’t the Wizard he woz.
Said an envious, erudite ermine,
“There’s one thing I cannot determine:
When a girl wears my coat,
She’s a person of note.
When I wear it, I’m called only vermin.”
There was an old person of Fratton
Who would go to church with his hat on.
‘If I wake up,’ he said,
‘With a hat on my head,
I will know that it hasn’t been sat on.’
Limericks I cannot compose
With noxious smells in my nose;
But this one was easy
I only felt queasy
Because I was sniffing my toes.