Limericks — A limerick is a form of poetry, especially one in five-line anapestic meter with a strict rhyme scheme (AABBA), which is sometimes obscene with humorous intent. The first, second and fifth lines are usually longer than the third and fourth.
A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee
Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.
“But,” he said, “I must see
What the clerical fee
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee
There was a young man so benighted
He never knew when he was slighted;
He would go to a party
And eat just as hearty,
As if he’d been really invited.
A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,
Weighed down by B.A.s and Lit.D’s,
Collapsed from the strain,
Said her doctor, “It’s plain
You are killing yourself — by degrees!”
A painter, who lived in Great Britain,
Interrupted two girls with their knittin’
He said, with a sigh,
“That park bench–well I
Just painted it, right where you’re sittin.'”
A canner, exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny,
“A canner can can
Anything that he can;
But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”
Here’s to the chigger,
The bug that’s no bigger
Than the point of an undersized pin;
But the welt that he raises
Sure itches like blazes,
And that’s where the rub comes in!
A silly young man from Clyde
In a funeral procession was spied;
When asked, “Who is dead?”
He giggled and said,
“I don’t know; I just came for the ride.”
There was a young lady of Cork,
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork;
He bought for his daughter
A tutor who taught her
To balance green peas on her fork.
A mouse in her room woke Miss Dowd
She was frightened–it must be allowed.
Soon a happy thought hit her —
To scare off the critter,
She sat up in bed and meowed.
There was a young woman named Kite,
Whose speed was much faster than light,
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
There was a dear lady of Eden,
Who on apples was quite fond of feedin';
She gave one to Adam,
Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”
And then both skedaddled from Eden.
Said an envious, crudite ermine,
“There’s one thing I cannot determine;
When a dame wears my coat,
She’s a person of note;
When I wear it, I’m called a vermine!”
A canny young fisher named Fisher
Once fished from the edge of a fissure.
A fish with a grin
Pulled the fisherman in —
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.
A newspaper man named Fling
Could make “copy” from any old thing.
But the copy he wrote
Of a five dollar note
Was so good he is now in Sing Sing.
A flea and a fly in a flue,
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us flee!”
“Let us fly,” said the flea,
And they flew through a flaw in the flue.
A tutor who tooted a flute
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot, or..”
“To tutor two tutors to toot?”
A major, with wonderful force,
Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.
All the flowers looked round,
But no horse could be found;
So he just rhododendron, of course.
There was an old fellow named Green,
Who grew so abnormally lean,
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
And sideways he couldn’t be seen.
There was a young lady named Hannah,
Who slipped on a peel of banana.
As she lay on her side,
More stars she espied
Than there are in the Star-Spangled Banner.
The Sultan got sore on his harem,
And invented a scheme for to scare ’em;
He caught him a mouse
Which he loosed in the house
(The confusion is called harem-scarem.)