I need a front door for my hall;
The replacement I bought was too tall.
So I hacked it and chopped it
And carefully lopped it;
And now the dumb thing is too small.
An odd-looking guy from Beruit
Held up banks in a bright-yellow suit;
More bizarre though by far,
He would wave a cigar
And shout, “Freeze there, or else I’ll cheroot.”
There was an old man from Milan,
Whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, ‘yes, I know.
‘But I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.’
There was an Old Man of Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, called Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
There was a young lady of Lucca
Whose lovers completely forsook her;
She ran up a tree
And said “Fiddle-de-dee!”
Which embarrassed the people of Lucca.
˜ Edward Lear
There was a Young Lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin:
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
˜ Edward Lear
Few thought he was even a starter;
There were many who thought themselves smarter,
But he ended a PM
CH and OM
An earl and a Knight of the Garter.
˜ Clement Attlee
There once was a man from Peru
Who had a lot of growing up to do,
He’d ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22.
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along
And unless we are wrong
You expected this line to be lewd.
There once was a young lady named bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
There was an old man with a beard
Who said, “it’s just how I feared!
Two owls and a hen
Four larks and a wren
Have all built their nests in my beard.
When my sister and I fight She forgets to be ladylike I hold her hair and shake it In turn to get a flying kick With all her might and a lot of bite.˜
Anything for a Free Meal
A little birdy on the tree Said something very true to me She said that she could somersault In the nest or on the mall If someone gave her a meal for free.
Bathing my Dog
Once there was a boy called Daniel who got himself a brand new Spaniel Deciding to give him a rub He leashed and got him into the tub But instead the spaniel landed up bathing Daniel.
My mother is a cleanliness freak She even keeps the garbage neat When the maid sweeps the floor She follows her to the door To make sure that she dusts her teak.
Once at night I thought I saw a ghost But instead of being scared I could boast that ghosts do nothing to scare me I could face them and still be It’s the maths teacher I’m scared of most.
A man from Chitrakoot decided, He would box up his wealth and hide it. He taped it all round, Put it deep in the ground With Rs.53 inside it.
Happy Father’s Day
Happy Father’s day, dad Thank you son, but it’s just a fad No, it’s not a fad It’s your day dad To finally do some ‘good’ and make me glad.
I hate the early morning mood But everyone thinks its really cool The plonk of the newspaper outside the gate The hiss of the kettle and the knock of the maid And, the biggest horror of all, school!!!
Holiday in India
There was a Canadian called Clun Who wanted to bask in the sun He came to India for a month Along with his wife and dog Grun And the three had a lot of fun.