Top Indian Jokes

• A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid;they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters: Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha, I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her. The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly. Love Smita. PS: If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days. [INDIAN JOKES]
• The IB, CBI and Delhi Police are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The PM decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch. The IB goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The CBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The Delhi Police goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit! [INDIAN JOKES]
• Don't mess with Engineers 7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to MUMBAI. So they all gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.  SCENE 1 (PUNE to MUMBAI) :  7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..  Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes away....  NOW on the return journey they don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a passenger till LONAVALA, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE.  SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) : Doctors decided, "This time we will prove that we too are equally smart." All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket. Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!.. TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of doctors toilet, one hand comes out with the ticket, he takes the ticket and comes in the engineers' bathroom... TC drives out all the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined....  SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) : So now both the groups are at LONAVALA station. Doctors are planning their move for last chance and they board the local to PUNE. This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL Doctors take only 1 ticket... Engineers buy all 7 tickets this time...  SO TC comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets..... Doctors are still searching for the toilet in the LOCAL train....... .... Conclusion: Technically intelligent people may be genius, but don't mess with Engineers. [INDIAN JOKES]
• A child Never seen his Hips. One Day his teacher hit him hard on his hips. Child come back to home & saw in tha mirror & said "Kamini ne 2 tukry ker diye..!" [INDIAN JOKES]
• A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody of the boy to the Indian Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone. ... » [INDIAN JOKES]
• A minister gave a talk to the Lion's Club on sex. When he got home he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off." [INDIAN JOKES]
• Doubt about Mahabharata In a remote village of India, once masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'Krishna janma' part of it. Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born... "Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused). Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come you have one?" Ramu: Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL? Masterji fainted......... [INDIAN JOKES]
• A GIRL TO HIS BOYFRIEND CHANDNI CHAND SE HOTI HE SITAROYON SE NAHI CHANDNI CHAND SE HOTI HE SITAROYON SE NAHI MOHABBAT EK SE HOTI HE HAJARO SE NAHI THEN BOY TO GIRL CHANDNI AGAR CHAND KI HOGYI TO SITARYON KA KYA HOGA CHANDNI AGAR CHAND KI HOGYI TO SITARYON KA KYA HOGA MOHABBAT AGAR EK SE HOGYI TO HAJARON KA KYA HOGA [INDIAN JOKES]
• Ek bar kitchen mein kaddai and cooker ki ladai ho gai. Cooker: kadai kadai tum ek dam kali ho. Kadhai: Agar mein kali hoon, phir tum mujhe sara din citi kion marte rehte ho. [INDIAN JOKES]
• What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? - Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving [INDIAN JOKES]