[371]

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!

Bijesh Pillai

[372]

Patient: What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor: One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[373]

Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[374]

Pupil: Did you know that the most intelligent person is going deaf?
Teacher: Really. Who is it?
Pupil: Pardon.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[375]

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[376]

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black.
Customer: What other colours do you have?

Piyush Bhatnagar

[377]

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[378]

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something...but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck....

Bijesh Pillai

[379]

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So to the back fence they all went.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas."

Bijesh Pillai

[380]

One time I farted so bad that I had to spend ten years in jail for air pollution.

Bijesh Pillai

Total 'ALL JOKES' available now: 864

TOP

 • Thanksgiving Day Coloringbook
 • Thanksgiving Day Festival
 • Thanksgiving Day Greetings
 • Short Poems for children
 • Thanksgiving Sayings
 • When is Thanksgiving Day
 • Activities, History, Quiz
 • First Thanksgiving
 • Thanksgiving Feast, Art & Craft Ideas, Gift Ideas
 • Blessings
 • Calendar, Continental Congress National Thanksgiving Proclamations, Thanksgiving Turkey Presidential Pardon
 • 1777 Thanksgiving Proclamation, 1778 Thanksgiving Proclamation, Prayers, Catholic Thanksgiving Prayer, Family Thanksgiving Prayer