[231]

Ashok Tanwar :: ashok_1453@yahoo.com

[232]

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for the crusades and called one of his squires. "I'm leaving for the crusades. I'm entrusting you with the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key."

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes one last look at his castle. He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Stop! Sire. Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key.

Bijesh Pillai

[233]

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she craps all over you!

Bijesh Pillai

[234]

Henry Ford died and went to heaven. At the gates, an angel told Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line, changed the world. As a reward, you can hangout with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." The be-feathered fellow at the Gates took Ford to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. 

Ford then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" 

God said, "Ah, yes." 

"Well," said Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is very costly.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.

"Hmmm," replied God, "hold on." God went to the Celestial Super computer, typed in a few keystrokes, and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replied to Henry Ford, "but according to statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours!

Bijesh Pillai

[235]

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover.""Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too.

Sandeep :: san4she@yahoo.com

[236]

A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take-off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.

The dog handler says to the first man, "Don't mind Rover, he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this." 

He tells the dog, "Rover, search." 

The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds, it then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm.

He says, "Good boy", and turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."

"Fantastic!" replies the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm.

He says, "Good boy", and turns to the first man and says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number."

"That's marvelous, I've never seen anything like it!" says the first man.

Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. He goes up and down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and poops all over the place.

The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks "What the bloody hell is going on?"

The handler replies, "He's just found a bomb!

Bijesh Pillai

[237]

Little Jimmy was lying on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds.

"Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?"

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?"

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate, "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."

"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"

"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."

"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous, can I have one of your pennies?"

God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute.

Bijesh Pillai

[238]

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it for yourself.

Bijesh Pillai

[239]

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim.

Bijesh Pillai

[240]

Turtle - Hello Mr. Rabbit, wanna go for 100 mts. race...



Amarjeet Malik

Total 'ALL JOKES' available now: 864

TOP

 • Thanksgiving Day Coloringbook
 • Thanksgiving Day Festival
 • Thanksgiving Day Greetings
 • Short Poems for children
 • Thanksgiving Sayings
 • When is Thanksgiving Day
 • Activities, History, Quiz
 • First Thanksgiving
 • Thanksgiving Feast, Art & Craft Ideas, Gift Ideas
 • Blessings
 • Calendar, Continental Congress National Thanksgiving Proclamations, Thanksgiving Turkey Presidential Pardon
 • 1777 Thanksgiving Proclamation, 1778 Thanksgiving Proclamation, Prayers, Catholic Thanksgiving Prayer, Family Thanksgiving Prayer