[31]

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she craps all over you!

Bijesh Pillai

[32]

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." 

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish".

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want." 

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." 

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." 

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Bijesh Pillai

[33]

Does your wife know how to park a car?

Well, she doesn’t exactly park a car she abandons it.

[34]

A woman - complaining to her neighbour that her husband always came late from office, no matter how she tried to stop him.
Neighbour - "Take my advice," do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o' clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: "Is that you Ram?" and that cured him.
A woman - "cured him! But how?"
Neighbour - "you see, his name is Sham.

[35]

We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

[36]

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. 

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." 

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. 

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: 

"Okay, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." 

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. 

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" 

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. 

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" 

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. 

After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. 

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" 

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Bijesh Pillai

[37]

Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun 'Sa Law' kehta hai?

Sandeep Sangwan :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com

[38]

FOOL se, FOOL ne,
FOOLon ki FOOLwari me
FOOL ke sath wish kiya'
You are the most beautiFOOL,
colorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS.

Sandeep Sangwan :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com

[39]

A Husband's Viewpoint
1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (A life sentence!)
2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.
3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
5. Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of "RINGS":
a) The Engagement Ring
b) The Wedding Ring
c) The SuffeRing
d) The EnduRing
e) The TortuRing

Sandeep :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com

[40]

Milton came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me," he asked her.
"Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails.
"How about if I became impotent, couldn't make love to you any more?" he asked anxiously.
"Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails.
"Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Milton went on, if I weren't pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?"
The woman looked over at her husband's worried face. "Milton, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but most of all, I'll really miss you.

Sandeep :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com

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Total 'Teens Jokes' available now: 127

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