[1]

Coffe ke cup se uthte dhuein mein teri shakl nazar aati hai,
Tere khyalon mein kho kar aksar meri coffe thandi ho jaati hai.

[2]

Life is like Math.
Friend's ko plus karo, Dushman ko minus karo,
Khushioon ko multiply karo, Gham ko divide karo,
aur hum ko yaad karo.....

[3]

I love your smile, your face and your eyes-Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

[4]

Great people talk about ideas,
Average people talk about things,
Small people talk about other people, And
Legends never talk, they send SMS...

[5]

Sanam teri duniya chod denge,
Teri taraf aye tufan ko mod denge,
Lekin tune jo sath choda,
Kasam teri haddiyan tod denge.

Sandeep Sangwan

[6]

Suraj paas ho na ho, Roshni aaspaas rehti hai,
Chand paas ho na ho, Chandni aaspaas rehti hai,
Waise hi aap paas ho na ho, Apki Yaadein hamesha saath rehti hai!

[7]

Hotho se jo choo liya, Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,
Aur kyon na ho...
Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirch' hai.

[8]

May God increase ur happiness like prices of petrol,
And decrease sorrows like clothes of Mallika Sherawat.

[9]

Dil mein tumhari tasveer,
Aankhon mein aasoono ke mele hai.
Tumhe kya battain
Tum bin kitne akele hain.

[10]

Why were males created before females?
Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

  PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7 

Total 'SMS Jokes' available now: 70

[1]

You’d better go a little slower - you’re doing 70 miles an hour.
Imagine that! And I only learned how to drive yesterday!

[2]

Teacher: "Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible.
One of the 20 Students: Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[3]

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

Why do you do that, mommy? he asked.

To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?

[4]

A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, "Now she knows.

[5]

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something...but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck....

Bijesh Pillai

[6]

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.

He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself".

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

Bijesh Pillai

[7]

How do they estimate the population of a Swiss village?

They count the echoes and divide them by the numbers of mountains.

[8]

If a lion were stalking you, what steps would you take?
The longest step I could!

[9]

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[10]

The woman who had just gotten on bus handed the bus driver a brand new five-dollar bill.
I’m sorry I don’t have any dimes for the fare, she said apologetically.
Don’t worry, said the bus driver, reaching for change-maker.
You’ll have fifty of them in a minute.

  PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12 

Total 'Kids Jokes' available now: 115

[1]

It was the final exam for an English course at a university. Like most freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Thirty minutes into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the students filed up and handed their exams in. All except the late student, who continued writing.  Half an hour later, he finally came up to the professor's desk and attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets.

"No you don't, I am not going to accept that, It's late!" The student looked incredulous and angry.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't," replied the professor sarcastically.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.

"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good!" replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Bijesh Pillai

[2]

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50.

Bijesh Pillai

[3]

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.

Bijesh Pillai

[4]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in business."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault.

Bijesh Pillai

[5]

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. 

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." 

Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. 

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: 

"Okay, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." 

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. 

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" 

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. 

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" 

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. 

After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. 

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" 

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Bijesh Pillai

[6]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go.

Bijesh Pillai

[7]

First Man: Why are you staring at the can like this?
Second Man: It is written this Orange Juice can - 'Concentrate'.

[8]

NASA was interviewing professionals they were figuring on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my Alma mater-Rice University."

The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.

"Two millions dollars," the doctor said. "I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "You give me three million, I'll give you one million, I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer.

Bijesh Pillai

[9]

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim.

Bijesh Pillai

[10]

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it for yourself.

Bijesh Pillai

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13 

Total 'Teens Jokes' available now: 127

[1]

Debajit Saikia

[2]

Easy Movers


Amarjeet Malik

[3]

Lets Join School!



Siddharath Choudhary :: bazooka23in@hotmail.com

[4]

Pilots On Break



Bijesh Pillai

[5]

Alternative Medicine



Amarjeet Malik

[6]

Bijesh Pillai

[7]

- :: -

[8]

Bijesh Pillai

[9]

On the spot Painting



Siddharath Choudhary :: bazooka23in@hotmail.com

[10]

Please! Let the Doctor go.



Amarjeet Malik

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  44 

Total 'Pictures / Cartoons' available now: 436

[1]

When a man was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. 
Man shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.

Sandeep

[2]

Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

[3]

Ajit: Robert, ees aadmi ko maar dalo aur ees ki laash ke saath aek kela aur thoda milk rakh do.
Robert: vo kyon boss?
Ajit: Aare bavekuf, jub police ko lash milegi to police samajegi ke koi cereal killer ne iska khoon kiya hey.

[4]

Santa Singh: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa Singh: Phone karte waqt.

[5]

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

Sandeep :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com

[6]

Ajit: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...
phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega!

[7]

Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."

[8]

Lady Dr.: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade hokar auraton ko kyun ghoorte ho?
Circuit: Bai ji aapichh wahan likhe na - Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am.

[9]

**Height of Kanjoosi**

A Bania's house has caught fire & he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!

[10]

Customer: Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa?
Hotel Wala: Sir khana to 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12 

Total 'Indian Jokes' available now: 115