Here is a collection of teens jokes to refresh your mind and lighten your mood.
Divorce after 35 years !! - Very nice story.........
An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says, 'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'
She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced.
Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'
No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.
OFFICE WORK or MONEY MAKING is not everything in life !!!!
A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said; "These are your children sir". In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.
The Wife said; Don't tell me all these are your children ?.
The man asked her calmly; Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?.......
The General at a Russian Military Academy gave a lecture on "Potential Problems and Military Strategy in Future Wars". At the end of the lecture, he asked if there were any questions.
An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third World War? And will Russia take part in it?" The general answered both questions in the affirmative. Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?" The general replied, "All indications point to China." Everyone in the audience was shocked... A third officer remarked, "General, we a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5 billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive?"
The general answered, "Just think about this for a moment : In modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters but the quality of an army’s capabilities. For example, in the Middle East we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."
After a small pause, yet another officer – from the rear of the auditorium asked,
"Do we have enough Jews......???"
Love SMS Collection
If U Fall In Love,
I Will Come
If I Am Alive
If I Am Not
I Will Come Through Ur Tears,
Through Ur Feelings
And Through Ur Dreams…
It's Hell to be Old!
Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85 year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbour?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
*Beggars In London*
Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London.
Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, Lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do You bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3
Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?
Parvinder shows Habib his sign...
**It reads:* *I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan **
Woman asks: If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut.
But when a man sleeps with ten women, every one calls him a real man.
How come... ?
It's very simple. "When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it's a bad lock.
But when one key can open ten different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY..."
A senior citizen bought a brand new BMW Z4 convertible and drove it out of the salesroom.
Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120mph; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M4, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 140mph, then 150 then 160. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, "Years ago my wife ran off with a policeman.
I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman.
After being married for 30 yrs, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her and then said.."You're A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H.. ..I,J,K."
She asks:"What does that mean?"
He said: Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said what about,I.J.k?"
He said,"I'm Just Kidding!"
A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38.
The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jews remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."
.......and this is why the Chinese own us!