Teens Jokes
Here is a collection of teens jokes to refresh your mind and lighten your mood.
It's Hell to be Old!
Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85 year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbour?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
Amarjeet
Tags: Sperm count, Physical exam, Semen sample
*Beggars In London*
Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London.
Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, Lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do You bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3
Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?
Parvinder shows Habib his sign...
**It reads:* *I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan **
Harman Malik
Tags: Beggars In London, Mercedes
Woman asks: If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut.
But when a man sleeps with ten women, every one calls him a real man.
How come... ?
Confucius replies:
It's very simple. "When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it's a bad lock.
But when one key can open ten different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY..."
Harman Malik
Tags: Slut, Real Man, Confucius, MASTER KEY
A senior citizen bought a brand new BMW Z4 convertible and drove it out of the salesroom.
Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120mph; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M4, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 140mph, then 150 then 160. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, "Years ago my wife ran off with a policeman.
I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman.
Lena Malik
Tags: BMW Z4 convertible, Rear view mirror, Police car, Policeman, Wife, Weekend
After being married for 30 yrs, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her and then said.."You're A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H.. ..I,J,K."
She asks:"What does that mean?"
He said: Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said what about,I.J.k?"
He said,"I'm Just Kidding!"
Harman Malik
Tags: Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot, Just Kidding
A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38.
The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jews remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"
The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."
.......and this is why the Chinese own us!
Harman Malik
Tags: Chinese, Jews, Skull Caps, Bra
I recently asked my neighbors' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.
She said she wanted to be President some day.
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her,
'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? '
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
Her parents beamed with pride.
'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!
You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50.
Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house. '
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked,
'
Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50? '
I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'
Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
Harman Malik
Tags: Republican Party, Liberal Democrats, Homeless people
What is the similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?
Skill is more important than the instrument...
Amarjeet
Tags: Sex and surgery, Instrument
Doctor: Your knees all blistered?
Lady: Coz of doggy style!
Doctor: Cant u do it any other style?
Lady: Oh, I can, but the dog can't!
Amarjeet
Tags: Blistered, Doggy style, Doctor, Dog
Prostitute: Hi, want to have sex?
Santa: Ok. Only if you do it like my wife does.
Prostitute: I can do it in any way. So how does she do it?
Santa: She does it for free.
Amarjeet
Tags: Santa, Prostitute, WIfe
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Total 'Teens Jokes' available now: 157 |
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