- Santa - Main tumse Shaadi nahi kar sakta. GF - Kyon! Santa - Mere ghar wale mana kar rahe hain. GF - Kaun hai! Santa - Meri bibi aur baache. [SMS JOKES]
- Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool". I have pass. [SMS JOKES]
- Santa & Lion How can a Santa kill a Lion? Santa thinks & thinks hard... & comes to a conclusion: "I'll drink Poison.. & let the Lion eat me." [SMS JOKES]
- Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why Three? Husband: For you and your parents. [SMS JOKES]
- Drop the Baby Why did you drop the baby? Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did. [SMS JOKES]
- Machchar ne aapko kata wo uska JUNUN tha, aapne khujli ki wo aapka SUKUN tha, chahkar bhi aapne use nahi mara bcoz uski ragon mein bhi aapka hi KHOON tha. [SMS JOKES]
- Banta ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha? Kyon? Itne saalo baad, itni manato ke baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...! [SMS JOKES]
- A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? B'coz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever you go out network follows. [SMS JOKES]
- Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den... He is supposed to count upto 100... and then start searching... Everyone starts hiding except Newton... Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting 1,2,3...... 97, 98, 99..... 100... ..... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front... Einstein says "newton's out..newton's out..." Newton denies and says "I am not out.. I am not Newton..." All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton. Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared..... That makes me Newton per meter squared.... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT.......! [KIDS JOKES]
- GREAT TUSI bade hi gr8 ho, RASGULLE ki pl8 ho, PEPSI ka cr8 ho, ANDE ka oml8 ho, SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho, JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho, KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho…! [SMS JOKES]
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- Santa - Main tumse Shaadi nahi kar sakta. GF - Kyon! Santa - Mere ghar wale mana kar rahe hain. GF - Kaun hai! Santa - Meri bibi aur baache. [SMS JOKES]
- Santa & Lion How can a Santa kill a Lion? Santa thinks & thinks hard... & comes to a conclusion: "I'll drink Poison.. & let the Lion eat me." [SMS JOKES]
- Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool". I have pass. [SMS JOKES]
- Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why Three? Husband: For you and your parents. [SMS JOKES]
- Drop the Baby Why did you drop the baby? Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did. [SMS JOKES]
- A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? B'coz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever you go out network follows. [SMS JOKES]
- Banta ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha? Kyon? Itne saalo baad, itni manato ke baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...! [SMS JOKES]
- GREAT TUSI bade hi gr8 ho, RASGULLE ki pl8 ho, PEPSI ka cr8 ho, ANDE ka oml8 ho, SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho, JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho, KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho…! [SMS JOKES]
- What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH! [SMS JOKES]
- HUMANS fall in love, that's normal...........COWS eat grass, that's ok........BUT when........MONKEYS can press mobile keypads! INCREDIBLE!.....STILL PRESSIN! UNBELIEVABLE! [SMS JOKES]
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[1] |
Coffe ke cup se uthte dhuein mein teri shakl nazar aati hai,
Tere khyalon mein kho kar aksar meri coffe thandi ho jaati hai.
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[2] |
Life is like Math.
Friend's ko plus karo, Dushman ko minus karo,
Khushioon ko multiply karo, Gham ko divide karo,
aur hum ko yaad karo.....
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[3] |
I love your smile, your face and your eyes-Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
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[4] |
Great people talk about ideas,
Average people talk about things,
Small people talk about other people, And
Legends never talk, they send SMS...
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[5] |
Why were males created before females?
Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
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[6] |
Sanam teri duniya chod denge,
Teri taraf aye tufan ko mod denge,
Lekin tune jo sath choda,
Kasam teri haddiyan tod denge.
Sandeep Sangwan
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[7] |
Suraj paas ho na ho, Roshni aaspaas rehti hai,
Chand paas ho na ho, Chandni aaspaas rehti hai,
Waise hi aap paas ho na ho, Apki Yaadein hamesha saath rehti hai!
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[8] |
Hotho se jo choo liya, Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,
Aur kyon na ho...
Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirch' hai.
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[9] |
Dil mein tumhari tasveer,
Aankhon mein aasoono ke mele hai.
Tumhe kya battain
Tum bin kitne akele hain.
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[10] |
Yanha khuda hai, wahan khuda hai;
yanha khuda hai, wahan khuda hai;
jahan nahin khuda wahan kal khudega.
Sandeep Sangwan :: s_s_sangwan@hotmail.com
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PAGE: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Total 'SMS Jokes' available now: 70 |
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[1] |
Hey, you - you’re blocking traffic. Can’t you go any faster?
Yes, but I don’t want to leave the car.
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[2] |
Teacher: "Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible.
One of the 20 Students: Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again.
Piyush Bhatnagar
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[3] |
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
Why do you do that, mommy? he asked.
To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?
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[4] |
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something...but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck....
Bijesh Pillai
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[5] |
A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don't be angry," the mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, "Now she knows.
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[6] |
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.
He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself".
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
Bijesh Pillai
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[7] |
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
Piyush Bhatnagar
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[8] |
How do they estimate the population of a Swiss village?
They count the echoes and divide them by the numbers of mountains.
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[9] |
Boarder: Does the water always come through the roof like this?
Landlord: No - only when it rains.
Amarjeet Malik
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[10] |
Wife: How many times have I told you not to be late for dinner?
Husband: I don't know. I thought you were keeping score.
Amarjeet Malik
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PAGE: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Total 'Kids Jokes' available now: 115 |
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[1] |
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go.
Bijesh Pillai
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[2] |
Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it".
2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.
Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Bill says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow.'"
She said, "'No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?
Peeyush Bhatnagar
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[3] |
Henry Ford died and went to heaven. At the gates, an angel told Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line, changed the world. As a reward, you can hangout with anyone you want to in Heaven."
Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." The be-feathered fellow at the Gates took Ford to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
Ford then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is very costly.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. It is out of commission 5 or 6 of every 28 days.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
"Hmmm," replied God, "hold on." God went to the Celestial Super computer, typed in a few keystrokes, and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replied to Henry Ford, "but according to statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours!
Bijesh Pillai
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[4] |
It was election time and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited.
"I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!".
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm.
"I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"
"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"
After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. "Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya.
Peeyush Bhatnagar
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[5] |
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US Naval ship and the Canadians, off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
CANADIANS: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
Peeyush Bhatnagar
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[6] |
Question: What is the height of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana.
Question : How ???
Answer : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian driver, who was high on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines, dies!
Peeyush Bhatnagar
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[7] |
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.
Bijesh Pillai
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[8] |
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault.
Bijesh Pillai
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[9] |
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
Sandeep :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com
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[10] |
An elderly gentleman was telling his friend about his new hearing aid. He said, "This hearing aid is so good that I can hear a pin drop to the floor 60 feet away."
The friend said, "What kind is it?'
The old man looked at his watch and said, "It's two thirty.
Bijesh Pillai
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[1] |
Debajit Saikia
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[2] |
Easy Movers
Amarjeet Malik
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[3] |
Lets Join School!
Siddharath Choudhary :: bazooka23in@hotmail.com
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[4] |
Pilots On Break
Bijesh Pillai
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[5] |
Alternative Medicine
Amarjeet Malik
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[6] |
Bijesh Pillai
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[7] |
- :: -
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[8] |
Bijesh Pillai
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[9] |
On the spot Painting
Siddharath Choudhary :: bazooka23in@hotmail.com
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[10] |
Please! Let the Doctor go.
Amarjeet Malik
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[1]
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When a man was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Man shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
Sandeep
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[2]
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Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.
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[3]
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Ajit: Robert, ees aadmi ko maar dalo aur ees ki laash ke saath aek kela aur thoda milk rakh do.
Robert: vo kyon boss?
Ajit: Aare bavekuf, jub police ko lash milegi to police samajegi ke koi cereal killer ne iska khoon kiya hey.
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[4]
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Santa Singh: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa Singh: Phone karte waqt.
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[5]
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Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
Sandeep :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com
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[6]
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Ajit: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...
phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega!
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[7]
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Santa: "When I woke up this morning, I felt like going out and getting a job."
Banta: "Did you?"
Santa: "No. I stayed in bed until the feeling passed."
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[8]
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Lady Dr.: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade hokar auraton ko kyun ghoorte ho?
Circuit: Bai ji aapichh wahan likhe na - Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am.
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[9]
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**Height of Kanjoosi**
A Bania's house has caught fire & he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!
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[10]
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Customer: Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa?
Hotel Wala: Sir khana to 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.
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PAGE: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Total 'Indian Jokes' available now: 115 |
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