[1]

Dil main basa hain pyaar tera,
Aankhoon main basee hain tasweer teri,
Jab bhi aatee hain yaad teri,
Main dekhta hoon.

[2]

Suraj paas ho na ho, Roshni aaspaas rehti hai,
Chand paas ho na ho, Chandni aaspaas rehti hai,
Waise hi aap paas ho na ho, Apki Yaadein hamesha saath rehti hai!

[3]

Sanam teri duniya chod denge,
Teri taraf aye tufan ko mod denge,
Lekin tune jo sath choda,
Kasam teri haddiyan tod denge.

Sandeep Sangwan

[4]

Kya khushnuma hava chal rahi hai,
Koyal gaana ga rahe hain,,,,,,,,,
gaaye ghaaas kha rahe hain,,,,,,,
hamlog SMS kar rahe hain,,,,,,,,,
aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain.

[5]

Could you fax me your photo very very urgently? Mind you.
It's really very very urgent, damn serious and very important,
I'm playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.

[6]

Wo zindagi hi kya jisme pyar nahi,
Wo pyar hi kya jisme yaden nahi,
Wo yaden he kya jisme tum nahi,
Wo tum hi kya jisme hum nahi.

[7]

May God increase ur happiness like prices of petrol,
And decrease sorrows like clothes of Mallika Sherawat.

[8]

Hotho se jo choo liya, Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,
Aur kyon na ho...
Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirch' hai.

[9]

Aksar jab hum aapko yaad karte hain,
Apne rab se yehi fariyad karte hain,
Umar hamari bhi lag jaye aapko,
Kyonki hum doston ko khud se zyada pyar karte hain.

[10]

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

  PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7 

Total 'SMS Jokes' available now: 70

[1]

Once there was an madman who was committed to an asylum.
The asylum had a rule that if any 'resident' could pass a special 5-question test, he could go free. No resident had passed in the 20-year history of the asylum.
It was the madman's turn to take the test.
After a grueling 4 hours of testing, the examining officer said, "Well, you've passed four of the five tests. I'm very impressed. However, the last test is the hardest of all."
The examiner lead the man to a dark room, switched on a flashlight, and pointed it at a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. "For your fifth test, you must walk on the beam of light and change the bulb."
The man looked at him with an outraged expression and exclaimed, Are you NUTS?!?"
He continued, "Yeah right, when I reach half-way you'll turn it off and let me fall!"

Bijesh Pillai

[2]

Customer: What makes the car jerk so when I first put it into gear?
Used-car Salesman: Eagerness to get away, sir - nothing more.

[3]

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Jaspreet Sharma :: Jaspreet.Sharma@dfat.gov.au

[4]

Policeman: The signs all say, Speed limit, 15 miles an hour.
Motorist: But officer, how could I read them when I was going over 50?

[5]

How do they estimate the population of a Swiss village?

They count the echoes and divide them by the numbers of mountains.

[6]

Postal Clerk: Madam, you,ve put too much postage on this letter.
Old Lady: Oh, mercy! I hope it won't go too far.

Amarjeet Malik

[7]

Could you direct me to the First National Bank?
Yes - for a dollar.
A dollar! Isn't that asking too much?
Not for a bank director.

Amarjeet Malik

[8]

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands.

The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying.

Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.

When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full."Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!"

Amit Pahuja

[9]

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black.
Customer: What other colours do you have?

Piyush Bhatnagar

[10]

Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

Piyush Bhatnagar

  PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12 

Total 'Kids Jokes' available now: 115

[1]

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively.
"Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly.
"Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?"
The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs.

Bijesh Pillai

[2]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in business."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault.

Bijesh Pillai

[3]

It was the final exam for an English course at a university. Like most freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Thirty minutes into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the students filed up and handed their exams in. All except the late student, who continued writing.  Half an hour later, he finally came up to the professor's desk and attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets.

"No you don't, I am not going to accept that, It's late!" The student looked incredulous and angry.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't," replied the professor sarcastically.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.

"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good!" replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Bijesh Pillai

[4]

A Chinese man went into a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he was amazed to see that he was sitting next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg. After finishing his beer the Chinese sensed that the famous producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious punch from the director.

Picking himself up, he yelled, "What the hell was that for?"

The director ranted, "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you *@!:(**@!!*+! My dad perished in that bombing!"

"I am not Japanese, you stupid **~@!?*! I am Chinese!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, you are all the same," retorted Spielberg.

Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a mighty punch to the director, sending him flat to the floor.

"What was that for?" exclaimed the director.

"That's for sinking the Titanic! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese said.

"You ignorant chink! The Titanic sank because of an iceberg!" shouted the director.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg,...you are all the same!

Shailender Singh

[5]

Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.
He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds, over and over. This really starts to get on Fred's nerves so he asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
The reply is, "I got this in the war."
Fred finds this pretty annoying so he switches seats.
The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him, and even kicks Fred a few times. So Fred asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Again the answer is, "I got this in the war."

Fred moves.
The next guy poor Fred sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand. Fred says, "Let me guess, you got that in the war."
His reply was, "No, I got it out of my nose. I can't get it off of my hand.

Bijesh Pillai

[6]

It was election time and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited.
"I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!".
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm.
"I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"
"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"
After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle. "Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya.

Peeyush Bhatnagar

[7]

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US Naval ship and the Canadians, off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
CANADIANS: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

Peeyush Bhatnagar

[8]

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line... It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50.

Bijesh Pillai

[9]

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.

Bijesh Pillai

[10]

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." 

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish".

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want." 

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." 

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." 

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Bijesh Pillai

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13 

Total 'Teens Jokes' available now: 127

[1]

Toxic Fumes



Brijesh Pillai

[2]

Don't Shake the Tracks!



Siddharath Choudhary :: bazooka23in@hotmail.com

[3]

Cleaning Pool Diving Board!



Siddharath Choudhary :: B.E. Comp. II Year, Yamuna Nagar, Haryana, India [bazooka23in@hotmail.com]

[4]

Tum Ek Laajawab Cook Ho! - World Cup Fever in color



From Times of India - a daily newspaper

[5]

John McPherson's Phone While Cooking



Amarjeet Malik

[6]

John McPherson's Halloween Gag



Amarjeet Malik

[7]

John McPherson's Halloween Gag - 2



Amarjeet Malik

[8]

Piedmont Medical Art Center



Amarjeet Malik

[9]

Life Guard



Amarjeet Malik

[10]

Suck me not!



Siddharath Choudhary :: bazooka23in@hotmail.com

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  44 

Total 'Pictures / Cartoons' available now: 436

[1]

Ajit: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...
phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega!

[2]

"Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kamani Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na,
hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge,
but this fellow didn't know who is Mother Teresa and replied back,
"nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum English film nahin dekhte hain."

[3]

Hi Tech Indian

An American, Japanese, and an Indian were sitting together.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.

"That's my pager," he said, " I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear.

When he finished he explained, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand. "

The Indian felt low-tech and inferior.

He didn't know what to do to be as impressive as the American & the Japanese.

He decided to take a break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his backside.

The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

Instead of being embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind. The Indian explained, "I'm getting a FAX.

The other two fainted.!

[4]

A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets, Do ticket dena,
The person at the window tells him that there is a house full,
so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

[5]

Ajit: Robert, ees aadmi ko maar dalo aur ees ki laash ke saath aek kela aur thoda milk rakh do.
Robert: vo kyon boss?
Ajit: Aare bavekuf, jub police ko lash milegi to police samajegi ke koi cereal killer ne iska khoon kiya hey.

[6]

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab.
Local santas have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more...

[7]

Q: Why Santa is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth?
A: Because Doctor has advised him: 'Aaj Light Khana hai!'

Sandeep Sangwan

[8]

Kiss is not like Nokia, Connecting People,
Kiss is not like Nike, Just Do It.,,,,,,,
Kiss is not like Pepsi, Yeh Dil Maange More,
I think Kiss is like Pan Parag, Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga.

[9]

It takes thousand workers to build a castle, Million soldiers to protect a country.
BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME!
"Let's Thank" - KAAMWALI.

[10]

Lady Dr.: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade hokar auraton ko kyun ghoorte ho?
Circuit: Bai ji aapichh wahan likhe na - Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am.

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12 

Total 'Indian Jokes' available now: 115