[1]

e kaash kahin aisa hota ki do dil hote seene main
ek toot bhi jaata ishq mein to taklif na hoti jeene mein.

[2]

Dil mein tumhari tasveer,
Aankhon mein aasoono ke mele hai.
Tumhe kya battain
Tum bin kitne akele hain.

[3]

May God increase ur happiness like prices of petrol,
And decrease sorrows like clothes of Mallika Sherawat.

[4]

Hotho se jo choo liya, Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,
Aur kyon na ho...
Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirch' hai.

[5]

Sanam teri duniya chod denge,
Teri taraf aye tufan ko mod denge,
Lekin tune jo sath choda,
Kasam teri haddiyan tod denge.

Sandeep Sangwan

[6]

Aksar jab hum aapko yaad karte hain,
Apne rab se yehi fariyad karte hain,
Umar hamari bhi lag jaye aapko,
Kyonki hum doston ko khud se zyada pyar karte hain.

[7]

I love your smile, your face and your eyes-Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

[8]

Measured by miles you are far away,
Measured by thoughts you are close to me,
Measured by closed eye you are with me,
But measured by heart you are always in me.

[9]

Tum rooh mein shamil ho, Ragon mein rawa ho
Magar mere hathon ki lakeeron mein kahan ho?

[10]

God made a daylight and is called Sun,
God made a entertainment and is called Fun,
God made a nightlight and is called Moon,
God made You and is called Cartoon.

Sandeep Sangwan

  PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7 

Total 'SMS Jokes' available now: 70

[1]

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[2]

Teacher: What is a Camelot?
Student: A place where people park their camels!

[3]

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So to the back fence they all went.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas."

Bijesh Pillai

[4]

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something...but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck....

Bijesh Pillai

[5]

A little girl came into a grocery store and said: "My mommy told me to tell you that we found a dead fly in the raisin bread."

Grocer: "All right, tell you what'll do-bring me in the fly and I'll give you a raisin."

[6]

If a lion were stalking you, what steps would you take?
The longest step I could!

[7]

An in-depth study has shown that the bird flu virus hits the best chicks first.

I thought I'd warn you immediately...

[8]

How do they estimate the population of a Swiss village?

They count the echoes and divide them by the numbers of mountains.

[9]

Pupil: Did you know that the most intelligent person is going deaf?
Teacher: Really. Who is it?
Pupil: Pardon.

Piyush Bhatnagar

[10]

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.

He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself".

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

Bijesh Pillai

  PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12 

Total 'Kids Jokes' available now: 115

[1]

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.

"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Bijesh Pillai

[2]

Paani mein Whiskey milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.
Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

Sandeep Sangwan :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com

[3]

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent...stink terribly."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.

Bijesh Pillai

[4]

NASA was interviewing professionals they were figuring on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all to my Alma mater-Rice University."

The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.

"Two millions dollars," the doctor said. "I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "You give me three million, I'll give you one million, I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer.

Bijesh Pillai

[5]

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively.
"Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly.
"Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?"
The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs.

Bijesh Pillai

[6]

It was the final exam for an English course at a university. Like most freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Thirty minutes into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the students filed up and handed their exams in. All except the late student, who continued writing.  Half an hour later, he finally came up to the professor's desk and attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets.

"No you don't, I am not going to accept that, It's late!" The student looked incredulous and angry.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I don't," replied the professor sarcastically.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.

"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good!" replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

Bijesh Pillai

[7]

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for the crusades and called one of his squires. "I'm leaving for the crusades. I'm entrusting you with the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key."

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes one last look at his castle. He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Stop! Sire. Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key.

Bijesh Pillai

[8]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, an we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:

"Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!

Bijesh Pillai

[9]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go.

Bijesh Pillai

[10]

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em.

Bijesh Pillai

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Total 'Teens Jokes' available now: 127

[1]

Life goes on...



Amarjeet Malik

[2]

Bijesh Pillai

[3]

On the spot Painting



Siddharath Choudhary :: bazooka23in@hotmail.com

[4]

Bijesh Pillai

[5]

Please! Let the Doctor go.



Amarjeet Malik

[6]

Pilots On Break



Bijesh Pillai

[7]

Easy Movers


Amarjeet Malik

[8]

Life Guard



Amarjeet Malik

[9]

Debajit Saikia

[10]

Debajit Saikia

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  44 

Total 'Pictures / Cartoons' available now: 436

[1]

A worried passenger: Do the ship of this size sink often.
Captain of the ship: No madam, not more than once.

Sandeep Sangwan

[2]

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? 
Man: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Sandeep

[3]

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Niche kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.

[4]

Customer: Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa?
Hotel Wala: Sir khana to 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.

[5]

Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

[6]

Santa Singh: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa Singh: Phone karte waqt.

[7]

"Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kamani Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na,
hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge,
but this fellow didn't know who is Mother Teresa and replied back,
"nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum English film nahin dekhte hain."

[8]

Ajit: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...
phir woh do ghadi ka mehman ho jayega!

[9]

Dtergent Tikiya Walon ki Beti se Shaadi karne ke liye bheed lagi thi. Why?
Because they believe, "Pehle istemaal karo, phir vishwas karo."

[10]

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

Sandeep :: s_s_sangwan@yahoo.com

PAGE: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12 

Total 'Indian Jokes' available now: 115