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[1]

Santa - Main tumse Shaadi nahi kar sakta.
GF - Kyon!

Santa - Mere ghar wale mana kar rahe hain.
GF - Kaun hai!

Santa - Meri bibi aur baache.
 

[2]

Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.

He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool".

I have pass.
 

[3]

Banta ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?

Kyon?

Itne saalo baad, itni manato ke baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!
 

[4]

Drop the Baby

Why did you drop the baby?

Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.
 

[5]

Santa & Lion

How can a Santa kill a Lion?

Santa thinks & thinks hard... & comes to a conclusion: "I'll drink Poison.. & let the Lion eat me."
 

[6]

HAVA

Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai,
birdy gaana ga rahe hain,
Cow log grass eat rahe hain,
shaane log SMS kar rahe hain,
aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain...
 

[7]

GREAT

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho…!
 

[8]

MANDIR

Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,
Masjid mein adaab karta hoon,
Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun,
isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon...
 

[9]

A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible?

B'coz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever you go out network follows.
 

[10]

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents.
 

Total 'SMS Jokes' available now: 70

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[1]

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den... He is supposed to count upto 100... and then start searching...

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Einstein's counting 1,2,3...... 97, 98, 99..... 100... ..... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front...

Einstein says "newton's out..newton's out..."

Newton denies and says "I am not out.. I am not Newton..."

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not
Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....

That makes me Newton per meter squared.... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal,

Therefore Pascal is OUT.......!
  Sanjiv Sharma :: sanjsharma83@hotmail.com

[2]

Jai: I've got such a bad headache.

Nitya: I know why.

Jai: Why?

Nitya: Well, yesterday when I had stomach ache, mummy said it was because it was empty, so I guess that's the problem with you too!
 

[3]

Mother: Now, Dhruv, when you go for dinner at Parth's house, use your knife and fork properly.

Dhruv: Mummy, is it necessary that I use a knife and fork?

Mother: Of course you must!

Dhruv: But the soup will never stay on them!
 

[4]

Pawan: What would you like to drink?

Shikha: Ale, please.

Pawan: Pale?

Shikha: Oh, no, a glass is enough!
 

[5]

Rina: How many children have you got?

Ameena: Two boys and a girl.

Rina: That's three altogether.

Ameena: No - one at a time!
 

[6]

A guide was showing an old lady round a zoo.

"Here we have a native of Australia," he said, taking her to the kangaroo's cage.

"Goodness," the old lady replied in shock. "My grand-daughter's married one of those!"
 

[7]

Church Minister: Do you say a little prayer before you sit down to eat your meals?

Little Boy: There’s no need for that, my mum’s a great cook!
 

[8]

A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," says the little boy.

His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won't be getting any breakfast.

Well, he's a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows, and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, "Are you going to tell him, or shall I?"
 

[9]

"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!"

"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him."

The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me."

The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."
 

[10]

One day an elephant was injured in a trajic accident. Once the elephant was at the hospital the doctors found out that the elephant was losing a lot of blood.

The news went out of the hospital all the way to a western jungle. A friend of the elephant a bug heard the news and rushed to the hospital.A doctor asked the puny little bug why he was at the hospital.The bug replied that the elephant was his friend and said that he was here to donate blood to the suffering elephant!
 

Total 'Kids Jokes' available now: 114

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[1]

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.

"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"

"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.

He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.

"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.

"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.

"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"

"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.

Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"

"Five dollars," was the familiar response.

"I'll take that too!" the man said.

As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him, "Why are your prices so cheap?"

The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.

What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"
  Ranjit Gadhvi :: ranjit_gadhvi_1194@yahoo.co.in

[2]

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says:

"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.

The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says: "Turner Brown, Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,

"Turn around."
  Vipul Vyas :: vipvyas@yahoo.com

[3]

Name of the son

What'd be the surname if the son born to a single father
Ans:.Eknathji.
What'd be the surname if the son born to three fathers.
Ans:. Trivedi.
what if born to a suspense one
Ans:. Guptaji.
 

[4]

Mother-in-Law

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem. George's mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00.

The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.

George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do,"

The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance."
  Akash :: pathum_akasha@yahoo.com

[5]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in business."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
 

[6]

Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."
 

[7]

TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?

CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?

TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.

CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?

TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.

CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?

TECH: I'm not sure I understand?

CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
 

[8]

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
 

[9]

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
 

[10]

A young boy asks his Dad:
"What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says:
"You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my
son, THAT is confidential.
 

Total 'Teens Jokes' available now: 127

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[5]

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[7]

[8]

[9]

[10]

Fruits? They seem to move!


 

Total 'Picture / Cartoon Jokes' available now: 425

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[1]

Ek bar kitchen mein kaddai and cooker ki ladai ho gai.

Cooker: kadai kadai tum ek dam kali ho.

Kadhai: Agar mein kali hoon, phir tum mujhe sara din citi kion marte rehte ho.
  Surinder from Faridabad

[2]

Thomas Friedman Says (Foreign Affairs Columnist):
'When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat our vegetables at dinner and not leave them.

Mothers said, think of the starving children in India and finish the dinner.'


And now I tell my children:
'Finish your homework. Think of the children in India Who would make you starve, if you don't.'?"
 

[3]